


Animal Crackers

by shniam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Reading, Sarcasm, Teasing, probably a lot more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 20:11:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1400932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shniam/pseuds/shniam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall in the mood to tease someone and notices Harry reading a book - it seems to good to be true!</p><p>“Sloth’s can give themselves blow jobs.”<br/>“It does not say that!” Niall exclaimed and jumped out of his chair to have a look.<br/>“Not exactly, it says they can perform self oral sex. Why they don’t say blow jobs I don’t know.” Harry pointed the fact out in his book.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Animal Crackers

**Author's Note:**

> The animal facts stated in this fic are true!
> 
> The rest of it is pure fiction
> 
> This is an update of a piece of work I wrote a long time ago for the Westlife fandom

Niall sat down at the table and looked at Liam as he completed a crossword. Liam’s brow was creased in concentration.

“Whatcha doing?” Asked Niall, he was in a playful mood and wanted to enjoy it to it's full.

Liam glanced up, “Planning world domination. What do you think I’m doing?” His tone was calm but there was an underlying level of irritation in it.

Unfortunately this didn’t deter Niall, “Well it looks like you’re doing a crossword to me!” He answered grinning.

“Well why d’ya ask?!” This time Liam didn’t hide his annoyance and turned back to his puzzle.

Sighing Niall turned round to look at his other friends. Harry and Louis were sat on the sofa, Zayn was leant back in a chair trying to blow smoke rings. Harry was reading a book. 

Harry reading, this was too good to miss!

“Harry you’re reading!” Niall exclaimed.

Harry looked up puzzeled, “Yeah, it's a really good book!”

Niall smiled. He had bitten! “Really? What's it about?”

“Well,” Harry started.

Zayn turned to face him with a lazy look – will he never learn?!

“It's all about animals.” Harry held the cover up to show Niall.

“Does it have pictures?” Niall tried to keep a straight face.

Harry frowned. “No Why would it? It's interesting animal facts.”

Niall sat back in his chair with a grin, “So tell us some then.”

Glancing back to see if Niall was winding him up, Harry picked a fact out of his book. “Ok, did you know that most giraffes are bisexual?”

Niall was impressed. “Cool! That could also apply to One Direction though!” He laughed.

Louis turned to Harry again and laughed, “He’s right that could! Don’t think that would appear in many books though, ‘Most members of One Direction are bisexual’.”

Harry thought about this and then laughed in agreement.

“Got anymore?” Niall was beginning to actually enjoy these facts.

“Sloth’s can give themselves blow jobs.”

“It does not say that!” Niall exclaimed and jumped out of his chair to have a look.

“Not exactly, it says they can perform self oral sex. Why they don’t say blow jobs I don’t know.” Harry pointed the fact out in his book.

“Oh.” Niall conceded and sat back down. “Still it's a sick trick, could be useful though, being able to do that.”

Even Liam turned round to look at him.

“Well think about it!” Niall said defensively, “We’re on the road, you’re alone and fancy something different than your hand, being able to go down on yourself would be a useful skill.”

“You have thought about that waaayyy too much Ni.” Liam said before going back to his puzzle, shaking his head in disbelief.

Niall blushed, “Well the thought has crossed my mind once or twice. But admit it, it would be useful.” He looked around for someone else to agree with him.

Louis shook his head, “Sorry Ni but no. I’ve got Haz to do it for me.”

Harry looked up and tried to work out why his name had been mentioned.

“So, if you didn’t have Harry would you become a sloth and do it yourself?” Niall asked.

“Nah,” Louis shook his head, “I’d get someone else to do it for me.” He added and leant back in the sofa with his eyes closed and hands behind his head.

“Got anymore Harry?” Niall asked knowing that the sloth conversation had come to and end.

“Horses have sex for fourteen seconds.” Came Harry’s voice.

“Fourteen seconds?! Poor sods, talk about premature.” Louis shook his head in disbelief.

“Maybe it's because their cocks are so big.” Niall suggested.

Louis opened his eyes and turned his head to face Harry, “You said I’m hung like a stallion but I last longer than fourteen seconds don’t I?”

Harry blushed and looked at Niall out of the corner of his eye before turning his full attention on Louis and patting his thigh. “Yes babe you do, there is nothing for you to worry about in that department.”

Louis smiled and planted a kiss on Harry's nose before leaning back once more and closing his eyes.

Niall sat open mouthed.

“What?” Asked Harry innocently “You did say that most of One Direction were bisexual.”

Niall thought about this and nodded, “True. It's cool though. Suppose a blow jobs out of the question?” He asked with a cheeky grin.

“No thanks Ni, I’ve just eaten!” Louis looked at him with one eye open and smiled.

“I don’t feel like it right now Niall.” Harry replied seriously.

Niall laughed and got up, “You ask a simple question….” And headed for the door, picking the tissues up as he went.

Zayn looked at Harry, “Got anymore you want to share?”

“There’s no Albanian word for headache.” Liam spoke up.

“Why not?” Harry asked, “What do they do then?”

“Oh I can think of a few things!” Giggled Louis with a twinkle in his eye.

“Wonder if Niall has a headache?” Liam thought out loud and headed in the direction his band-mate had gone earlier.


End file.
